What’s that? A brochure. What’s it about? Says all the things going on in the borders in May and June. Lots of sheep hagging. Hee hee. Look at this though, Alpacas! Oh I love them. Aw, look at their cute wee faces, and their funky wee hair dos. Let’s get one. No. We can’t. How no? They’re herd animals, you must get two. Aw brilliant, two alpacas. We can put them at the top of the garden, move the big table and chairs. Make them a wee hut to huddle in when the weather’s bad, or when they’re a bit tired. A nice wee enclosure, give them a wee bit of space. They like hills. Well, when we’re kitting out the hut, we can dig up the enclosure and build them a hump, sprinkle with grass seed and by next year, it’ll look like it’s always been there. Aye, but, we’ll need a good quality grass as feed. A wee humps worth won’t be enough. We’ll need hay as well. Mmmm We could get sheep’s nuts. Where are we going to get a sheep’s nut distributor? How do you know they feed on sheep’s nuts? Drem. Sheep nuts Irene. I’ve read about it. Oh It’s going to cost at least £40 a day to feed them. Then they are going to need a good walk a couple of times a day. Oh that’s not going to be a problem, the bairns on the estate could do that for us. We can charge them a fiver a walk, we don’t want to be too greedy, it says here, this lot charge £40 a walk. That’s not right, making money out of folk like that. They could do half an hour before school and half an hour after. They’d probably have to be with somebody responsible. Loads of teenagers at our bit though, that won’t be a problem. I can just see them being tied up at the shop. Wot, the teenagers? Naw, the Alpacas.
Right, now we are going to need those massive clippers farmers use for shearing their sheep. We’ll have to get on farmers websites for more information. And, when they’ve been clipped, we’ll need to find someone to loom the wool, you know, like those folk in the highlands do, I’ve seen them on telly. Looming away. Aye, I have too. Alpaca wool, wonder how much that sells for? We’ve still got another £20 to find for their feed mind. Internet? What happens is, they dye the wool, then, either hand or machine knit woolly jumpers, hats, gloves, whatever. So, we’ll have to find a knitter as well? Aye, there’s a lot more to keeping Alpacas than you think.