Well, what an afternoon we’ve had. We shouldn’t have brought them. They’ve done nothing but be wee pests. We have squeezed them into John’s big holdall and told them to shut up. It’s not easy. On our first day in the Lakes we drove up and down the softly undulating hills and valleys, enjoying the freedom of nature, mountain passes, squiggly roads and beautiful vistas. Herb and Bert jumped up and down at the sight of sheep. Where they come from, things that look like sheep were toys. They couldn’t understand why the sheep couldn’t fly and did not know where to go when they were blindfolded. The sheep were easy to spook though and they had fun running in between their legs making them meh in the most agitated of mehs. We told them to stop and that the farmer would not be pleased that his prize woollies were being upset. The thought of being shot by the farmer filled them with glee, we can’t understand why. They especially loved the cows though that came in all different colours. Herb and Bert loved to ride on their backs. They became fascinated by the flies that gathered round the cows eyes. It turned into a game to see how many they could catch. The cows were quite happy about this and swished their tails and mooed a lot. We are presuming this to be happy as we had heard cows like a jolly good mooh. We’re getting to know them now. Four seem to be boys, their genitalia is not quite like ours but they seemed to play rougher and are happy to get into trouble. The 2 girls, Cher and Bett , are very quiet and huddle together most of the time. The main problem is trying to keep them secret. We don’t know how people will react to them and we can’t let authorities know we’ve got them. What would happen to us? We need to protect them but they don’t understand this. Yesterday we sailed on Lake Windermere. They managed to get out the holdall. As we said earlier they have a fascination with water so a massive lake was a pleasure park. They jumped off the top of the boat repeatedly. We couldn’t shout at them to stop but luckily they were so swift at diving the others must have thought they were birds. I overheard someone mention it.
How they can see things through a holdall and a car boot I don’t know. We passed a Matalan lorry on the M6. I didn’t take much notice, but looked when I saw the sides of it bulging in curiously alien like shapes. I said to John, they’re in the lorry. Don’t be so daft, they’re in the boot. I was singing along to Slade, We Are All Crazy Now, which sounded very apt on this occasion. We came through a particular bad storm of hailstones. The sky looked clear out the windows, the sun shone roundabout we looked at each other with trepidation. We pulled into the nearest service station, tension furrowed our brows. Realisation came to us at the same time. They’d been dancing on the roof, and adding to the crime, stealing clothes from the Matalan lorry. What wonderful outfits they had. Checked blouses paired with flowery jeans. Hippy chic hats. Flat sandals, high heels. They must have tried on all the stock. Sleeves that were too long, jeans that were too short. They were so happy in their new togs. I thought they looked amazing.It was just too difficult to give them a row, but it had to be done. Back in the boot droned John.